#my bio grandma fucking SUCKS and she was all i had instead

[maxellminidisc]

Too often I feel like kicking my dad for not buying my Granny's lacquer furniture...

[maladaptive-ninja-returns]

It’s The Avengers (03x11)

Loki x Reader Avengers The Office AU (Slowwwwww Burn)

Season 3 Episode 11: Exotic Medicines

Series Summary: Living in the Avengers facility post-apocalypse in a better timeline   Tony Stark has decided to capture every moment by pulling The Office on the Avengers. All of housemates are pretty used to the idea except for you, who had just come here to finish her degree, and the newest member- Loki.

Warnings: high and...slutty moments?

Word Count: My heart feels so light today. And Tari is one of the reasons for this. In the sense that she is amazing and gives me hope about myself.

MASTERLIST in bio, darlings. Tags are open (check bio)

A creature with the head of an unhinged raccoon and the body of a dragon lizard scuttled on the dry patch of land, looking at its surrounding with those crazy eyes and panting with the sounds that usually came out of an out of breath pug whose nose was too small to take in the precious air for that chonky body. This guy, however, was more interested in chewing on the first piece of leather it bonked against, those huffing noises making any witness feel for this miserable looking animal. The leather boot shoved the raccoozard away only to have that stubborn bastard come back for the seemingly delicious leather that was now drowned in its spit. The boot kicked it casually- and lightly- once again to move away from the ground and instead rest on the barrel. The camera focused out of the boot to show Loki having no feelings look to the little 'zard. The other camera flying low over the creature was more interested in Lulu's raised hair looking at the abomination with caution before coming to smell the poor thing that laid upside down, thanks to Loki's amazing boot skills. Lulu raised its fluffy paw in the air, taking his sweet time to tilt his head and smack the animal in its face. And much to the little fluff's surprise, the 'zard growled and hissed at him, making the fluff ball take a step back. "Hey," Loki called out for Javier, who turned the galactic go-pro in his hand towards the God, "send one of your peekers inside to see how's it going." Javier moved the camera toward him to record himself giving Loki a look of confusion.

"The cameras are not 'peekers'," he signed before shrugging, "and peeking is not ethical." "Oh," Loki raised his brows while the camera quite tactfully panned in on the tension in those exposed biceps of his arms under the black shirt. He raised his hands to sign back. "So you go ahead be 'ethical' when those witches sacrifice her for her blood. Okay?" Javier's muted gasp had more emotion than Natasha on her bloody days- pun fully intended. "You were the one who suggested the witches!!!" The hand movements got more intense by the passing minute. "I suggested them for her bloody cramps," Loki signs back, still perched on the barrel, "I don't know what happens after?!" The camera was called to zoom upon Javier's face before he facepalmed himself harder than he should have. "Most cunning God MY ASS!!" "If the two of you are going to make a ruckus here then I would suggest you leave." Both boys stood in attention while the cameras focused on the woman in her wise years standing right outside the tent. Her authoritative features on that beautiful wrinkled green skin showed no sign of remorse or acceptance for the apologies. When she turned to go inside Javier turned to Loki to sign, "But we were not even talk-" "Because I can hear your thoughts, you useless meat suits," she shouted from the inside. Loki looked down at a fluffed up Lulu and shrugged. "Witches."

The Lounge "Okay, so the trick is for you to go-" Scott raised his leg and gracefully brought it back to bend over to let his beautiful booty naturally display the trademarked 'thicc'ness - "and then jerk it back like-" he continued by giving it a pop. Once. Twice. Thrice. The camera turned away to look at Peter and Vision stare in a mixture of shock as well as delight with a synced tilt of their heads. "How did you do that?" Pretending to flick away the hair from his face as he came back up- quite seductively- he sighed. "I've had practice." The audience waited and was met with no further commentary. "Oh, okay. So, we are not discussing the...uh...practice," Peter breathed before letting his brows furrow in deep curiosity, "but how the eff do you do the-" he bent over and tried to twerk. That twerk came out more like Peter trying to force his diaphragm to push up a seed stuck in his windpipe.  Scott blinked at the effort before helplessly looking at the camera.

Scott: *clicks his tongue* White people problems. We either shake that thang like Beyonce was our mama or we bend over as if begging someone to do the Heimlich on us. *camera zooms in* There is no in-between.

"You need a lot of practice," Scott pointed at the spider boy before moving over to Vision. "And show me what you learned." Vision looked at Scott's phone and WAP started right from the build-up to the verse. The camera never went below Scott and Peter's torsos but the unprecedented shock in their popping eyeballs left a lot to the imagination. When Vision finally came back in the frame, he smiled at the two. "I feel like I could have popped my behind more." Scott and Peter blinked and felt themselves jolt at his statement. "More?!" Peter gasped. "How?!!" Scott shouted at the same time. Vision, unphased, let the music start from the top. "Like this," he added innocently and went out of the frame, leaving both the boys to find a God in their prayers to answer their questions.

Planet of the Witches Javier took the shade of the lone bush under the sweltering sun by squatting under it, all the while watching Loki's leg impatiently tap on the barrel it was resting on. And when their eyes met, the former smiled and signed something. "I'm not worried about her. I'm worried about my ears falling off from listening to Stark's babbling of 'not taking care of her daughter'. I am not her bodyguard. He should know that by now." Javier scoffed. 'Are you sure you know that by now?' Loki narrowed his eyes at him.  "You have been getting cheeky by the day, boy." "And you cannot control your grumbling clouds for a fraction of the 'kula, can you?" The eldest of the witches, a humped grandma with a river of wrinkles over her face and hands and feet, came out to glare at Loki, who got off the barrel to stand in front of her in just a pinch of guilt before his eyes were distracted by your figure coming out of the tent. Before Loki's veiled relief could say anything, grandma took her crooked walking stick and slapped Loki's shin. The tiniest whine filled with confusion to the brim escaped the raven-haired boy. "OW!" the God growled at the old woman before raising his leg to hop around in pain while you tried your best to contain the laughter bubbling inside you. "Do not come to me for help if you cannot handle a few 'kulaeg, you impatient bog!" Loki's jaw unhinged while he hopped about and you gave the camera the more delightful look.

You: *gasp and beam* never in my life I thought I would see Loki stagger like that. That too by a five hundred-year-old alien lady!! *screeches* I love space! *shimmy your shoulders*

"I didn't even do anything this time?!!" Loki thundered, finally putting his foot on the ground. "Wait," you raised a finger in anticipation and confusion, "this time?" Grandma tapped her stick hard into the rocky ground. "Be thankful it's not a yank in your nethers for kidnapping my Logo last time." Your muted gasp grew wider, and the camera panned in when you stood in the middle of the two. "You kidnapped her Logo?" You whispered with elation. "Your Logo did not want to be kidnapped?" You tried hard to restrain the chortle in your voice before trying to come back to a straight face. The camera panned in on your face to catch you whisper, "I don't even know what a Logo is!" right into the lens. "I feel like there's a lot to unpack here. Grandmama, tell me everything this stupid ass has ever done!" Loki didn't seem to like the idea. "What is your problem, Se'tiri? You hit me even when I don't do anything wrong?! Every! Single! Time!" Se'tiri narrowed her eyes at the God, not letting her little body be intimidated by the six-foot tall creature. "You have one those faces, boy. Ones that are asking to be hit because they do not know what manners are." "Oh, dang," you whisper to the camera and secretly praise this alien grandma's spirit. "Fine, I'll never come here, ever again," Loki huffs, grabbing your hand to leave in a two-second surprise state, "come on, Y/N, let's go." "That's what you said last time you blue seaweed," Se'tiri shouted in her raspy voice, "make sure to remember this time! And take those damned bao-bao I made you and your friends, you giant slug!" Leaving your hand for a moment- that seemed to bring a microsecond of mellow sadness over your face- Loki smoothly turned a one-eighty to go inside the tent and bring with him a bento wrapped in blue fabric, grabbed your hand again and gave a stink eye to the woman. "I am taking these bao-bao with me, you rotten hag! And I will come whenever I please!" "You better come with some fucking bao-bao material or I'll not make more for you!" she yelled. Loki was already walking away with you by his side. "You will make me more because I am the only one who eats these stinky buns!!! Come on Lulu!" he yelled back, making the camera focus on Lulu standing upright, both excited and confused with something thin and long hanging from his mouth before he sucked it in and ran behind you two. The raccoon thing was nowhere to be seen.

The Lounge "You guys are the f***ing nuts!" Sam announced as the camera panned out to show Scott, Vision and Peter sitting on the sofa. Two of them had pouty faces while one was enchanted by the Falcon. A good moment of silence passed with Sam's firm expression before he finally spoke again. "You have to move your hips in a way to not hurt your lower back. And you have to split without hurting your nuts!" Both Scott and Peter winced at the memory and brought their ice packs closer to their crotch. "Now, watch...and learn." Sam gave one quick look to Vision and the AI automatically turned on the music for Sam to manoeuvre his body to the beats with the rigidity of water. And before anyone knew it, he was making a one-eighty with his leg to open it into a perfect split before popping that booty thrice for a perfect finish. The camera panned out to zoom in at the faces of equally bewildered and impressed Steve and Bucky standing at the entrance of the Lounge holding hands. "Should we...ask?" Steve wondered to his partner, his eyes still glued to the man of many talents. "Do we have to?" Bucky added.

Bucky: *in all his seriousness* We have to. I need to learn how to do that perfect split but I will cut my own veins before asking Sam for tutoring me.

Away From the Witches "All the weirdness aside because I know it comes from the insecurity in your past relationships of being not loved enough to trust another person, I have to say you and Grandmama Se'tiri really care about each other." The camera was stuck in one frame- on your head resting on your hand while your gaze was stuck on the God pretending to brood while eating the purple coloured buns the old witch had made for him. A quick glance from him at you from the corner of his eye and he was already turning his eyes towards you to question that softness stuck in your eyes while you looked at him. Not to mention your smile. "Stop looking at me like that," he muttered with his mouth half full. "Fuck you, I won't," you giggled lightly, getting a raised brow from Loki. "How the fuck can someone look so cute while eating? Why are you looking so good while eating?" Loki had to stop chewing and look at you for a few moments in keen observation. Or judgment. Or both. "What did they do to you in there?" It was your turn to sit straight in this weird open buggy floating between two alien rhinos as they languidly strolled over the deserted part of the planet. "They squeezed all that painful shit out of me," you inhaled. "Like I could feel my uterus squeeze and let the walls out from inside me, the blood, the gooey stuff, all of it. It hurt a bit at the beginning like every other time but once Grandamama and her sisters started chanting, it was all gone," you concluded with a smile. "Even though the goo was still coming out of my vagina." Lulu's camera caught the reasonable blankness on Javier and Loki's face before both of them put the buns down and tried their best to blink away the pictures you had so patiently put inside their heads. You, still perched with your head on your palm, smiled at the boys. "Should've left the bun for after the icky bloody part. Is it weird I can still smell the blood? Just like that bloody stench you get when you dump your menstrual cup down the drain during a shower and watch all that blood go down imagining you just murdered someone and are reminiscing the entire thing." Loki looked at the camera with newfound confused horror in his eyes.

Loki: Remind me to never piss her off during her bloody days. *inhales* Also remind me to make Clint and Steve piss her off on her bloody days *smirks and raises his brows suggestively at the camera*

"Oh! And she even gave me candy!" You nearly shout, going for the little backpack and unzipping it take out a blue plastic looking bag which looked like something straight out of your younger sister's newly opened business with much effort given to the packaging and the brand. An outline of a herb adorned the logo while a few imprints of languages unknown to you were written below it. "And I am not sharing it with anyone." Loki scoffed, looking at you while slowly putting the delicious-looking bao-bao in his mouth, making you wrinkle your nose before opening your own collection of fluffy marshmallow-like collection and putting one in your mouth. "Oh dang! It's cheesy!" You babbled through your full mouth, gasping with a sudden revelation. "Ooooh!! And spicy!" Loki chuckled and turned his whole body towards you. "Oh come on now, Y/N. You don't have to pretend to give your little trinkets flavours to tease..." His voice drowned when his sight apparently fell on the packet you were holding while gobbling down your second treat. "This one's minty," you added with a wiggle of your brows and a huge smile on your face. "...me," he barely whispered, his attention only on the packet with his eyes narrowing on the foreign words written over it. The bun resting in Loki's hand dropped into his lap for Lulu to make it disappear within less than a second. Loki's hand came for the packet but your reflexes were too good today to let him lay his claws on it. "Oh you aren't getting any," you gasped at his audacity. "I don't want to ea-" Loki snapped himself and moved his hand towards the packet- "let me see the packet." Silence. "Y/N." Your hand went inside the packet for another snack. "Y/N," he called out sweetly with a hint of caution. You popped the little ball of crunch in your mouth. He leapt halfway towards the packet, his hand reaching and almost grabbing your newfound treasure. "Stay. Away," you command with your eyes. "I just want to see the pack-" he leapt again and this time grabbed your back instead while the snacks were raised away from him. "Really?" "You're not getting any!" Loki was lying over your now. Both of you were grunting and squirming; Loki trying to lock his arms around your waist to push you down while you anchored your free hand on the edge of the floating buggy. "Give me the packet!" He roared. "No!" You growled back and hissed at him without turning around to look at his frustration lines. The God locked his legs around yours, using his one arm to restrain your waist and the other to tickle your armpit long enough to make you howl in a burst of laughter that ended with a blood-curdling sigh when he finally got the packet in his hand. "Aha!" He exclaimed, still not letting you go. "I hate you!" You wiggled inside his hold that didn't seem to work him much. "Why do you have to be so FUCKING strong!!" But Loki had all his attention on the package by now. His glow of victory faded as fast as it came when his eyes went over the print, the shades turning from a subtle shade of confusion to a much denser stroke of fear. "Wha-no...no!" Loki looked at your scowling face cursing him left and right. "How many have you eaten?" "Oh screw you!" "Y/N! How many have you eaten?!!!" All the rage in your pupils melted into full-blown innocent kitten eyes. "A few," you whispered. Loki- his lips parted in question with the nearest star hitting his pale face from the side to let his green eyes glow with the reflection coming from your white tank top- tilted his head to judge you with a raised brow. Your lips parted just like his but in heavy bewilderment of the sorts that one does not usually let out before turning to share a look with a camera.

You: *tilt head* was he always this...poetically beautiful?

You mumbled something under your breath with your eyes darting away from his face. "Y/N." "I said I had some at grandmama's place." A muted yet sophisticated gasp came out of Loki's mouth. "How many exactly?" "....Six or seve-" "We can still fix this-" "-teen?" Any hope bubbling in the God's eyes suddenly evaporated when he looked into a camera with a newfound fear.

Loki: This candy *raises the packet to show to the camera* is a sort of soother. It releases the tension in your muscles and helps in better blood circulation along with improving focus, increasing the stamina and...making everything quite...brighter? *sucks on his teeth* *looks at his feet while still holding the packet in frame* All of this happens when you consume two candies. *camera pans in on the artificial smile on Loki's face as he looks back at the lens* *whispers with a strain in his voice* she's had seventeen.

WAP Boys The flatscreen showed Loki gasping in sheer horror while the mute icon activated right over his disparate shade of horror as compared to your confused one. The same camera shifted from the huge screen towards the group gathered in the lounge, trying to figure out who did it. Scott, Peter and Sam were busy teaching Bucky and Steve while Vision made everyone some fizzy lemonade. Wanda searched for the WAP dance videos online while Natasha sat on the sofa- closest to the screen- making videos of the boys. For a second she revered her eyes from the screen to look at the camera sideways. A fleeting second, a straight face and the single silent entity in the chaos was all it took for the Black Widow to blink at the camera before going back to her phone. "There is no way I can do tha-" Steve was trying his best with his hands raised up to his chest in defeat. "Oh, come on, Cap," Scott begged, "you don't even have to do much. You just wiggle a little and your beautiful bouncy ass will do the rest of the work." Steve started to speak but stopped to give a hyperexcited Scott an expression filled with so many questions. "Word," Sam chimed in from behind Steve before gulping down his share of lemonade as he walked towards the sofa, getting a frown from Steve as a response. "Amen," Bucky announced whilst looking at the camera with a nascent smirk as he sipped his lemonade, at the same time trying to push his hair back. The 'really, Bucky?' look on Steve's face was a sweet bonus to already blushing owner of America's ass. "What the hell is happening?!" The unprecedented surprise in the familiar voice put everyone's metaphorical tails into one collective bushy goosebump. All the cameras shifted to a stunned yet stoic Tony Stark standing by the entrance of the lounge while everyone else tried to calm their heartbeats and look for an explanation.

Scott: I actually thought I was gonna get kicked out and so *shrugs*

"He did that!" Scott blurted out while pointing at the empty loveseat. Tony narrowed his eyes at him and the poor Antman found himself at a loss of words. "We were-" Steve paused for a second to give a quick look at everyone's faces before scratching an itch behind his ear- "learning a...a new dance?" "..." "It's the WAP!" Peter acknowledged with quite the enthusiasm till the wide cautious eyes of three people standing around him made him realise what he had just said.

Scott: *breathing into a paper bag* Oh crap! I am definitely dead today. Stark's gonna kill me for ruining his precious baby!!

"You all-" Tony at everyone in the room- "are learning the WAP while I get the news about a deadly virus taking over the world." "What?" There are muffled gasps and confused looks shared before everyone gets serious.

"It's a flu. The scientists are calling it Covid. Dr Cho, Bruce and Shuri are working on the cure," "Who's behind this?" Steve's persona did a complete one-eighty. "Hydra?" "The Neo-Nazis?" "Oh! Illuminati?" "Apparently, it has originated from 'bats'. The Wakandans have a lead on the 'bats'." "Okay, everyone," Steve announced, "let's suit up!" "Woah! Woah-ho-hooo!" The camera panned in on Tony's posture that clearly said 'nobody's going anywhere'. "Where do you think you're going?" Silence. Everyone looked at Steve for an answer. "To find the root of this virus." Tony took a step forward, his head already held high as usual. "Not before I win the WAP." Scott's jaw dropped to the floor, him and the camera looking at each other at the same instant. On the other side, Natasha- lying on the sofa- scrolled through her phone. "Okoye has already taken care of the 'root cause', hasn't she?" she nudged Tony. He didn't answer that. For a few seconds. "Doesn't matter. I can still wipe the floor with his ass. With all your asses." "Okay okay okay okay okay-" Sam nodded, enjoying the playful tension between the boys. "It's on. It is on!" The camera shifted to Natasha, who was still sprawled upon the sofa, smirking at her phone. "Perfect timing," she commented with a wink before opening her phone's camera to start recording.

In the alien Buggy "IIIII Loooove you BABAYYYYY. And if it's quite ALRIGHT!! I neeeed you BABAYYYY to warm these lonely NIGHTS!!!! OH PRETTY BA-" The singing continued in the background while Loki sat defeated on the floating vehicle, focusing on anything but that singing. His lips ran in a thin line, really telling the spectator the limit of his patience. The tension was boiling in his muscles and yet he did not move an inch, just waiting patiently. "Oh my God Loki?" You sat up in a daze behind him, your mouth agape with disappointed horror. "We have been together all this time but you got your hair conditioned! And not mine?!!" Loki's palm tried its best to rub some of his own disappointment off his face. "I thought we were best friends," you whimpered with betrayal in your already watering eyes. The camera focused on Loki shifting as he went for his bag to take out a bottle of water and a small green sachet. His eyes were on the camera when he asserted ever so sweetly, "of course, we are friends, Y/N. And I'll tell you where I got my hair conditioned-" he opened the sachet and mixed the herb-like contents in the water- "but first you need to drink some water." The camera panned out to show you running on the rough terrain away from the alien buggy- while Loki kept talking to himself- hopping in excitement at intervals.  "It will hydrate you and flush out those undesirable dru-" The d-word hung in the air when Loki found the space behind him empty. "Y/N?" He questioned in a tender tone, quite probably wondering you were hiding somewhere. The second time your name came out in urgency when he looked at Javier and Lulu sitting there in confusion. The third time he hopped down the moving vehicle- which, to be fair, moved at a turtle's pace- and looked underneath the levitating body. There was no fourth time. He just looked at Javier and Lulu, who turned to look in the direction you had dashed in. "Why didn't you stop her?!" Loki was restraining the anger so hard. "Oh, what do you mean neither of you can speak!!" By this time, Loki's heart was in his mouth, he was sweating and his breaths were shallow. Javier whistled at the rhino-like aliens pulling their buddy to stop. Getting down, he set his camera to Loki's side profile, conscious to maintain a safe distance from an untethered God. Licking his lips, he shut his mouth and took one deep breath with his eyes closed. The nearest star helped with its bright rays to let the audience know the clench of his jaw was an intense one. Opening his eyes, there was only one emotion that was visible on his entire being. "Fuck."

[snarkwriteswrasslin]

FFT: all the guys want cheerleaders; jon moxley

Notes:

So... I think that arguably, my favorite universe/pairing to write is Jon Moxley and my OC Jane. Apparently so because I have like 5+ universes just for them and counting. I’m seriously tempted to definitely sit down and like... plan out an actual fic bc this is getting outrageous lmao. Anyway, here’s another thing. This is a teenage!jon and jane. So this is one of those inflexible / non changeable parts, btw.

{ wanna send in one of these? here’s how | masterlist of fake fic titles  }

Summary:

Jon decides to surprise Jane by coming home just to take her to some stupid dance. And surprise her, he does. Fluffy af. I mean.. In Mox’s typical way of being fluffy.

Pairing:

Jon Moxley x OFC, Jane

Warnings:

Uhhh... fluffy surprises.

“Everything looks like shit on me. That’s it, I’m not going to this fucking dance.” Jane threw down the fourth dress and stared at herself in the mirror, shaking her head. She was only even going to this stupid thing because her grandmother was making a big deal about her going.

It wasn’t like she wanted to go. The guy she’d rather go to prom with was gone, he left town to go off and become some kind of famous wrestler or something. His own words.

As if on cue, the phone rang and Jane grabbed for it. Mox promised he’d call her the second he got where he was going. “Well, dickhead?”

“Hey to you too, Janey.” blue eyes darted around the bar and when the guys got too loud, Mox gave them all a silencing glare. It only got him teased by Callihan and Cole, but Mox ignored the two jackasses and turned away, busying himself by doodling on a napkin. “Ya find a dress?”

“I’m not goin to that stupid prom.”

“Janey, c’mon. Ya promised ya grandma.”

“I know, I know.. I just.. I don’t wanna. Besides, I look like shit in all the dresses she picked up for me to try. Besides, I asked that dumbass in my Bio class if he’d take me as a friend. Turns out he’s already goin with someone. Or I’m ugly as fuck and he’s just too polite to point it out. Or he’s lyin and…”  Janey trailed off, rolling onto her back on the bed and Mox sighed on the other end of the line.

“First of all, ya not ugly. Second, ya don’t have t’ go with somebody to go.” Mox calmly pointed out. He grabbed the beer Callihan bought over to him and took a long sip, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth as he finished. “Ya grandma just wants ya to have a good time. She’s tryin to cheer you up.”

… just tell her already, damn…

He was hell bent on not ruining the surprise though. He knew how much Jane really wanted to go to prom and thanks to peeking in her journal when he stopped by to see her before he left town, he knew exactly why she was digging her heels in about going.

Apparently, she only wanted to go with him. But she’d never admit it, she’d never admit a lot of things she wrote about him in her journal and those things… They were another huge reason he was out of Ohio and trying to make a name for himself. He wanted to be the best he could be, for her. He wanted to be able to give her everything he thought she deserved, despite knowing that she’d be fine with just being with him.

He wanted to give her so much more.

Jane eyed the phone and bit her lip. “ I don’t wanna go, okay? Why’s it so important I go, huh? It’s gonna be lame.”

“If you don’t go, ya gonna look back and regret it.”

“Or maybe I won’t, Mox.”

Mox took a deep breath, trying to keep from telling her exactly why he wanted her to go so badly. If she didn’t go, then he couldn’t show up in the stupid damned tuxedo. He couldn’t give her the necklace he’d bought for her.

… but if she doesn’t wanna go, maybe you could surprise her at home… take her out somewhere real nice… ya gonna have plenty of money, man… and the thought had him taking a deep breath.

“Maybe ya won’t. If ya don’t wanna go, don’t. I gotta ask ya somethin, okay?”

Jane raised a brow and rolled over onto her stomach, propping on her elbow. She tried to picture him, all sweaty and probably bloody, probably fresh from a fight.. She found herself wondering if he was wearing the sleeveless vest, or if he’d just fought in jeans tonight. She found herself wishing that she wasn’t stuck in stupid Ohio, doing what she promised him she’d do. She didn’t get why it was so important she stayed, she could’ve easily finished high school wherever he wound up. It would’ve been their big adventure, just like they always talked about. She could’ve gotten by on her photography and worked as a waitress too.

She just missed him.

She hadn’t seen him in over a month and she was afraid it was going to be like her parents all over again.. One day, she’d try to call their face to memory and realize she couldn’t anymore. The thought had her eyes stinging with tears and she wiped at her eyes, scowling about it.

She just didn’t want to forget him or lose him too and now that he was gone, despite him diligently keeping in touch, she was so afraid that very thing was going to happen.

“Ya there, Janey?”

“Yeah. I was just thinkin.. Ask away.” Jane sat up and took a deep breath or two. This happened, it was a fact of life. Sooner or later, she reminded herself, even the best of friends drifted away from each other. It sucked and it was sad, but it was true.

And she was most likely going to lose him before she ever got to tell him just how special he was to her and how much she loved him, faults and all.

“Ya trust me?”

“That’s a stupid fucking question, Mox. You know I trust you. Probably one hell of a lot more than I trust anyone else.” Jane answered quickly, wondering what made him ask that.

“I need ya to go to our place. Saturday.”

“But you were saying a minute ago you wanted me to go to the stupid fucking prom too.. What do you want me to do, Mox…” Jane trailed off and he chuckled. “You said ya didn’t wanna go to prom. So, I thought maybe if ya went somewhere you were comfortable instead, might make ya feel better.”

… it’s only gonna remind me you’re not here, but okay.. Jane almost said it aloud, but she didn’t dare. Instead, she agreed to go to their spot on Saturday night at 6. And given that her grandma had already given her a ‘free pass’ for the night, Jane decided that maybe she could just get ready like she planned to go to prom, go to their little spot down by the docks and change somewhere in a bathroom. Why Mox wanted her to go, she had no idea, but it certainly seemed urgent.

( SATURDAY NIGHT )

“Okay, grandma. I’m heading out.”

“Wait, I want to get a picture of you, sweetie.”

Jane tapped her foot against the floor but she smiled, nodded and let her grandmother get a picture of her. She felt guilty for not just telling the woman she wasn’t going to prom, but she was going to wander around the docks, she knew it wouldn’t matter but her grandma would worry the entire time, but she also knew that she might disappoint the older woman.

That was the last thing Jane wanted to ever do was to disappoint her grandma.

After her grandma got another picture or two and hugged her, Jane set out, walking quickly, cursing the stupid heels and the wind and the fact that the stupid dress didn’t have any sleeves at all and herself for not bringing a jacket.

She hadn’t even been able to grab a change of clothing, her grandmother had wanted to hover close, to reminisce about her own prom and how her grandpa saved her from the unwanted advances of some “uppity jock guy” that night. And Jane, well.. She’d had fun listening to the woman’s stories, and letting her grandma do something. They’d been talking and her grandmother admitted that it wasn’t so much wanting her to go to prom, but wanting her not to stop living just because that “sweet boy two doors down” was gone. Her grandmother had apparently been worried about her as of late, because she hadn’t been as bright or as happy as she had been before Mox left.

Jane stopped to lean against a factory and leaned down, taking off the stupid heels, glaring at them as she rubbed her foot.

It was almost 8 now and she was within sight of the docks.

Someone was standing there, their back facing her.

In a suit.

They weren’t so much standing there still as they were pacing a little. Jane almost just turned and left whoever it was to their pacing, but then, the pacing man turned to face her and when she saw him, she didn’t think or bother censoring herself, she just started to run right for him, flinging herself at him as soon as she reached him. Mox wrapped his arms around her, easily lifting her off her bare feet, breathing in the scent of her shampoo because God knew he’d missed it the entire time he’d been away.

“Mox? Is this why you kept tryin to make me go to prom?”

All Mox could do was shrug and stare at her. “Fuck..”

“What’s wrong?” Jane cocked her head to the side, looking up at her friend. Mox blurted it out before he could stop himself.

“Always thought ya were beautiful but goddamn..” he mumbled quietly, rubbing the back of his head as he stared down at her.

Jane almost laughed, thinking he was just kidding her, but the look in his eyes stopped her in her tracks. He dug around in the pockets of the stupid suit, swearing, almost panicking when he thought he might have left the box with the necklace inside on the bus he’d gotten off of earlier, but finally, he found it and pulled it out.

“I got ya somethin.”

“Jon…”

“Shh.. There’s somethin I been wanting to say. If I don’t say it now, I won’t.” Mox was doing it again, the pacing and mumbling thing he tended to do when angry or nervous. Jane reached out, stepping in front of him and stopping him where he stood. “Say it then, Mox. You know you can tell me anything.”

“I love ya. I love ya so goddamn much and goin away, it wasn’t cos I wanted t’ leave ya, ya gotta know that. It was cos one day, I wanted to… I bought ya this. I saw it and I remembered how upset ya were when ya lost the one like it ya mom gave ya.” he held out the box and Jane opened it, staring at the rose gold heart shaped locket that was almost identical to the one her mom always wore when she was alive. She wiped at her eyes and for a second, his face fell.

Why was she about to cry?

“I fucked up.”

“No, no. No. This is.. It’s perfect and it’s beautiful and I..”

Words were failing her at the moment, so she rose to tiptoe, tugging at the tie that he hadn’t even tied right, pulling his mouth down to her own, pulling him into as deep a kiss as she could. Mox deepened it even more, gripping at her lower back, holding her up as best as he could.

“Ya what?”

“I love you too. I always have.”

“I was gonna take ya to that one real fancy restaurant.. If ya hungry?” Mox broke the kiss to ask and Jane gave a soft laugh, nodding.

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Oppa Knows Best | Part 5

Word Count: 8k Genre: Smut, Angst Summary:  If there is anything a lot of people can agree on when it comes to college, it’s that college is about much more than just education; it’s a whole transformative experience.  The person you were before college is not the same person you will be after college, and no one knows the truth of that statement quite like you do. You just didn’t expect to change so much so fast. Chapter Plot: Still she tries to hold onto the comfort of denial, her eyes tearing up as she shakes her head, “But that doesn’t make any sense. Why would I do that?”    “You were scared. You always were. A/N: this chapter would’ve probably came out soooo much later if it wasn’t for the help of @nctforuandme who proofread and reviewed this for me. She’s an angel. She my oxygen *wink wink* Warnings: This story contains a very unbalanced power dynamic between the two main characters that is unhealthy and shouldn’t be tolerated irl. If someone treats you this way irl please run. This is a fictional story and the plot is basically just a vehicle for the smut. Contains slutshaming and controlling behavior. Also the dirty talk is painfully corny and pornolike so be warned lol. Oppa kink if it wasn’t obvious. The previous parts and the rest of my masterlist are in my bio suck my dick tumblr

N.B. memories are written in italics so pay attention bec things jump from present to past a lot 

The words shimmer and bend in front of my eyes. Every time I feel like I’m closing in on them, they just evaporate and I go back to square one.

I sigh, closing the textbook and resigning myself to the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to get any studying done right now, not when I was so utterly cut off from my lifeline. You can’t expect a human to perform any kind of higher cognition when their most basic of needs is unmet. For me, being so severed from ___ is like being dumped on a foreign planet with low oxygen and being expected to survive somehow.

I need her to breathe, but she’s not here. She wants space. She wants control. I get that, I really do. But it went against everything I am to grant her that wish. Not because I like controlling her like she says, but because I just worry so much. I need to be beside her all the time to make sure she’s all right. Yes, we were separated for a year before she joined me here, but that was the extreme extent of my capacity, and even then we would talk all the time, sharing every little aspect of our lives to each other so that the distance wouldn’t become too painful and that I could always be sure that she’s alright every second of every day. How can she expect me to live like this—to have her right under my nose but be forbidden to be with her?

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. This isn’t how I imagined our college years would be like. We were supposed to be in this together, exploring this new world together. But now she’s left me here to die a slow death as my body slowly starves for oxygen.

You want to know the worst part? None of this is even on her mind. She’s off to the stars to explore other planets while I lie here hoping, praying, for my angel to come back and breathe life into me before it’s too late. I call out to her but she doesn’t hear me, my voice getting lost in the vacuum of mistrust and misunderstandings that separate us. Anything that reaches her is far too distorted to bear any resemblance to what it originally was, and she—dazzled by her newfound freedom that she hasn’t tempered yet—will not stay and allow me to explain myself. She’d just hop off to another galaxy and leave me behind in the cosmic dust.

But if that were to happen, would the universe not just cease to exist? Can it fathom the destruction of one of its fundamental facts? ___ belongs with me and I belong with her. If we got severed from each other wouldn’t that rip the very fabric of the universe apart? Does she not feel the chasm forming between us already? It’s getting bigger and bigger every day, stretched out more the farther she gets away from me. I fear that one day it would be big enough to swallow me whole; I would cease to exist. My entire existence erased from the universe and my angel would soon forget about me and love another as if I never was.   

How did I manage to fuck up so bad?

I knew better than to push her too much. I knew what she is like. I knew that if I push, she’s going to pull away. I’ve seen the chasm before and I’ve been so careful to keep it contained. But I got lenient and I got greedy. I thought that, for once, when I pushed she wouldn’t pull away, that I could finally close the chasm between us once and for all. Instead, I blew it wide open.  

It ate away at me, that after all this time I could lose her like that. It also made me hate her a little bit. God, it feels blasphemous to say it but I really hate her sometimes. I hate that she made me love no one but her. I hate that she loves another. But most of all, I hate her for forgetting her promise.

“It’s not true, oppa!” Exclaims the little girl, the younger of the two children that were huddled together, but the boy only cries harder in response, burying his face in her chest as his tears and snot soak up the fabric. He feels embarrassed for crying in front of her. He’s supposed to be the one taking care of her, but here he is showing her how weak he really is. She’ll know he can’t protect her and then she’ll leave him too. He’s so useless.

“Stop it, Jaehyun. Stop it!” She scolds him firmly, cupping his face in her hands and holding his gaze determinedly, willing him to listen to her. She looks displeased, a little crease formed between her eyebrows and a pout prominent on her lips. He would’ve normally found that so adorable but now it scared the life out of him. He tries to get it together for her but he’s ashamed by how long that takes.

She waits until little hiccups and dry beds that were once rivers of tears are the only remnants of his breakdown. Finally, her gaze softens, but the determination stays the same. “It’s not true. That mean man doesn’t know anything.” She refuses to acknowledge the man’s blood tie to Jaehyun, for he is not worthy of being called his father.

“You’re not a waste of space. You’re so important. Everyone loves you. Grandma loves you. Mum loves you. Your friends love you. Everyone loves you, oppa. ”    

“Do you love me?” He asks, the tears in his eyes walled up behind a dam of hopefulness, threatening to break loose and drown him at her command.

“Of course!” Just like that, they evaporate, dried off by the heat and radiance that is her love and acceptance, leaving only the seeds of belief in a gentler fate behind.

“Promise that you’ll never leave me.” He holds onto her, his sun, the reason he endures the long night just for a chance to see her shine all the brighter.

“I promise.”

My throat closes up with the ghosts of long dead memories. No, my angel hasn’t forgotten. She can’t. Right?

Tears I wasn’t even aware were there get dislodged out of my eyes when I jump at the startling sound of the front door slamming shut. Furiously, I wipe away at them in the hopes of hiding them from her sight.

She marches into the room, a menacing cloud hanging over her head. Chucking her bag carelessly to the floor, she turns to face me, arms crossed over her chest, and announces, “So I met Mark today.”

“Mark…who?” I croak, the lump in my throat obstructing the sound but she doesn’t notice.

“Mark fucking Lee, Jae.” She retorts, exasperated.

“Ok, and…?”

My continued cluelessness seems to rile her up more, but I genuinely didn’t understand why meeting our old schoolmate would make her so mad. “Did he tell you something that upset you?”

She chuckles at that, “Oh, he did alright. He told me some really interesting stuff about you back in high school.”  

I immediately pale. I have no idea what Mark could’ve possibly told her that made her so upset. We weren’t that close back in high school so he couldn’t have known that much about me, but her glaring anger makes me doubt myself. Did he somehow know something he shouldn’t have? If so, I should probably stay quiet just in case. It wouldn’t do to implicate myself in something she might not even know.

“He told me all about what happened with Sicheng.” She sneers, unhappy about my silence, but when my face crumbles at the revelation, she continues more confidently, taunting almost, “He told me that you cut Sicheng off because he had a crush on me and that you warned him never to try to get close to me or you’ll hurt him.”

Wait, what?

“What are you talking about?” I ask slowly, feeling like I’d suffered a stroke. That would be the only logical explanation for the nonsense I was hearing. “Sicheng never had a crush on you. What the hell is Mark trying to start?”

“Of course you’d say that. It’s not like I expect you to admit that you’ve always been so possessive of me that you never let anyone come near me.”

I can’t help but laugh at that, which only leaves her even more flustered, her face getting as red as a tomato from the combined effect of anger and indignation. It’s just so fucking ironic that she’s the one who’s calling me out for acting possessively. Does she even possess any hint of self-awareness? Probably not. If she did, she wouldn’t be acting so self-righteous right now.

“What’s so funny?” She sniffs, offended.

Knowing that she wouldn’t believe anything from me right now, I decide to deflect instead, reprimanding her, “And you believe the words of someone who is at best an acquaintance over your own oppa?”

Abashed, she sputters, “What would Mark gain from lying?”

“Nothing! He’s just running his mouth. People love to gossip about shit they know nothing about.”

“Well, you know everything, oppa. Why don’t you tell me what really happened with Sicheng?” She tries really hard to seem challenging, to goad me into answering, but I see the anxious expectancy cowering in her eyes behind all the defensiveness and accusations. Deep down, she wants to be wrong about this—and that, more than anything, makes me want to confess to it all, to come clean with all the feelings and thoughts I’ve been holding onto all these years, to lay them all and myself at her feet in the hopes that she’d take me by the hand and raise me back up again.

It’s an admirable thought, but I know that, more likely than not, she’d just freak out like last time and leave me crumpled on the floor.  

The weight on my shoulders suddenly feels all the heavier as the cynicism presses down on my weary body. “Nothing happened. Friends drift apart from each other all the time.”

“But you didn’t drift off, it was a big fight, and Mark says it was about me.”

“Screw Mark! He wasn’t there with us that night.”

“What night? The school dance? Mark said that’s when you found out Sicheng likes me.”

I laugh bitterly. So not only does she not remember anything about that night but she thinks it’s about Sicheng liking her? This is all his fucking fault. He almost lost me my angel that night and now, years later, that same threat is still hanging over my head.

“That’s the night I found out Sicheng doesn’t give a fuck about friendship.”

“Because he wanted to have what’s yours?” She accuses haughtily, likely thinking she’s exposed my grand plan; it makes me see red. “No, it’s not fucking about that. Sicheng was never interested in you. You could’ve passed out and died in front of him that night for all he cared. You were nothing to him.”

Not expecting the bluntness of my answer, she recoils like a frightened baby. All at once, her shoulders hunch, her face scrunches, and her eyes tear up. An intense protective instinct gets triggered inside me, and I ache to rush over and scoop her up in my arms, cover her in kisses and apologize for making her feel small, praise every little thing about her until she’s convinced she’s the most beautiful woman in the universe. But I can’t, I know she won’t accept me.

I sigh, rubbing my hand over my face. “Look, Sicheng wasn’t a good friend. He did whatever he wanted without care for how it would affect his supposed friends. That’s why I had a falling out with him. He took it too far that night.”

“What did he do?” She asks in a small voice, looking away and fiddling with her fingers, the nervousness rolling off of her in waves. She needed any sign of safety to latch onto, and I needed to give her that.

I weigh my options. If I tell her why I had a falling out with Sicheng, I risk her remembering the rest of that night and making things even worse, but if I don’t tell her then that would be proof of my guilt in her eyes and she probably won’t trust me again after that.

The choice was obvious.

“He got you drunk.”

She whips her head towards me, eyes wide open in shock, clearly not expecting that answer. “We got separated for a bit that night, and you went and got alcohol from him. You got so piss-drunk, I had to carry you home. The next morning, you were throwing up so much you were crying.”

I watch as her pupils flit back and forth inside her eyes like a caged animal as she tries to make sense of what I was saying and contrasting it with what little she remembers from that night.

“That’s why you don’t remember that night, and why I hate having you out of my sight.”

Her flitting gaze comes to an abrupt stop as realization washes over her face at a sudden recollection. “Oh, I remember now. I nagged him for drinks because…” She trails off, eyes snapping to mine, wide and guilty. “Yeah, I remember.”

Everything slows down for a moment, like we were submerged under liquid metal, and I ask her carefully, petrified at the possible answer. “What exactly do you remember?”

“Not much,” She runs a hand through her hair nervously and avoids eye contact. “Just that I wanted to try it and he gave me some and it kinda got out of my control.”

I knew she was lying. She obviously remembered more than she let on, but judging by her sheepish expression, I can assume that it’s not much. She probably only remembers the part about catching me with Miyeon and getting so upset about it that she decided to get the drinks from Sicheng, but not what happened after.

Deciding not to pry any further to avoid triggering any more recollection of the night from her, I put an end to this conversation. “See? I told you it wasn’t about a silly crush. Do you really think I’m that unreasonable?”

She shakes her head but it’s clear that’s exactly what she thought. Sighing in disappointment, I feel my body deflate as the fight leaves my body. “You don’t believe in me anymore, do you?”

“I-It’s just… things are different now.” I see a lot of emotions brimming behind her pupils, but one in particular jolts me; pity. It’s as if she’s given up on me already, watching me from behind a glass partition as I struggle through my very last moments. She has a life outside of me now. She’ll move on. But to me, she’s my life, and I don’t want to move on from her. I don’t want to live without her. What would be the point in that when she’s the reason I’m even here right now?

I nod stiffly, and turn away from her, walking towards my room. She doesn’t try to stop me.  

•��──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

The pain that surges through my veins like molten lava has burned off all the nerve endings in its path so that I’m left feeling nothing but numb and empty. It’s like I’m experiencing sleep paralysis, only I can’t wake up and escape the horror, for it lives in my very own world.

I hear her tinkering around in her room, no doubt prettying herself up for him, for their date—putting a little bit of lipstick here, spraying a little perfume there. I’m sure she looks as bewitching as a siren, a vision to behold. I wish that was true; that the danger lied within her so I can meet my end in her arms. Instead, it’s being severed from her that is to be my death.  

I hear the door to her bedroom opening, and—like an enchanting song—her heels click rhythmically on the floor as she walks over to me, my breath already getting stolen from me before I even gazed up at her.

As if in a trance, I barely register standing up and taking her in my arms. She wasn’t dressed particularly luxurious; all she had on was a simple floral dress with a dainty pearl headband crowning her sheared hair, but, to me, she looked enchanting. This… this is exactly how she always looked in my fantasies; pink lips mirroring the light blush on her cheeks and shy eyes stealing glances at mine as I hold her so close in my arms we could be considered one and give her a last kiss before we head on our first date, the first step to a lifelong romance.

“You look…”

Her expectant look, again so reminiscent of my fantasies, suddenly turns to disappointment as soon as I speak, and I find myself reeling from the whiplash of realization that this wasn’t a fantasy. It’s real life and it’s worse than my worst nightmares.

“I know you don’t like it, oppa.” She sighs, trying to pull away.

“No, I do!” I quickly interject, holding onto her. She gives me an unbelieving look so I explain, “It grew on me.” “Besides, you’d be beautiful even if you were bald.” I attempt to joke, but she just frowns at me, not even allowing a little chuckle to humor me. She can’t control everything though; I can clearly see the pretty blush on her face deepening and I can’t help myself from wanting to pretend just a little longer. So I cup her cheek tenderly and lean in, whispering, “So beautiful, my angel.”

And kiss her.

She places her hands on my chest, and for an agonizing second I don’t know if she’ll pull me closer or push me away. I’m so afraid. My heart is jumping around in my chest, bouncing against my rib cage as if it’s trying to fight its way to its rightful place between her hands.

But then she lets out the softest moan and opens her mouth, urging me to deepen the kiss as her hands clutch at my shirt. At her silent command, I push my tongue into her mouth and she welcomes me gladly. Our tongues meet in gentle touches, as if afraid to disturb the moment.

When I pull back, she follows, kissing me urgently, her wet lips smothering mine. My hands roam all over her body, feeling every curve underneath the delicate, woven fabric. Trailing down, I grip her ass tightly and pull her flush against my body, startling a whimper out of her as my hard dick presses against her stomach. My mouth leaves hers and travels along her jaw, giving her the softest of kisses so they wouldn’t leave marks on her flawless skin, but that just makes her needier, as if I was intentionally teasing her by the barely-there touches.

Her fingers curl in the hair at the nape of my neck and tug as she whines, “Oppa…”

One of my hands climbs up her body towards her chest as I pull back and look down at her with a heavy-lidded look that matches the need in her eyes. “One last time, angel?”

She gasps as I knead her breast, and nods hastily. “Yes, please.”

She shivers when I pull away from her, depriving her of my body heat. A pout was already forming on her face, but it stops halfway as she sees me fall down to my knees. Taking a hold of the hem of her dress, I trail it up her legs to her waist, and ask sweetly, “Will you hold this for me, angel?”

“Ok.” She whispers meekly, and clutches onto the dress as she bites her lip and looks down at me in anticipation.

I pull her panties down and out of the way before grabbing the back of her thigh and tugging it forward and up so it can rest on my shoulder, making her pretty pussy all the more accessible to my eager mouth. I don’t waste time, burying my face between her legs at once.

When my tongue touches her slit, her body spasms in a shock of pleasure and she almost loses her footing, but I hold her tight, one hand on her ass and the other around her waist as I start eating her out. My tongue laps around her clit, every once in a while pressing directly against it and eliciting a shiver from her.

Her fingers were buried in my hair, pulling at the roots with every moan that escaped her mouth. I look up to find her watching me, but as soon as our eyes meet, hers roll to the back of her head as she cries out.

Even from my very restricted vantage point, she looked stunning. I wanted to have her like this forever—struggling to hold herself up as she moans so sweetly for me.

“Oppa… feels so good.”

I move my tongue up and down her slit, teasing her entrance with every swipe until she’s begging for more. “More, please, more!”

So I push my tongue inside, fucking her with it. She keens at the added pleasure, her fingernails scratching my scalp as she tugs harder on my hair. I can tell it feels good for her, but it’s still not enough.

“Do you want my fingers, angel?”

“Yes!” She cries, getting desperate.  

Who am I to not give my angel what she wants?

As soon as I push my fingers inside her, she loses any little bit of control left. I pull back to soak up the sight of her writhing on my finger, trying to reach her release.

Suddenly, she looks down at me, her gaze needy but resolute. I don’t have to think about the reason for it too much as she soon pushes me between her legs again, exerting pressure on the back of my head to keep me there. I don’t even try to fight her; we both wanted the same thing, her pleasure. It only takes a couple of flicks of my tongue against her clit as I continue pumping my fingers rapidly into her to have her coming.

As she’s going down from her high, I pull my fingers out, but keep licking her gently, both to carry her to her baseline gently and also to clean her up. When she’s completely settled, I put her panties back in place and stand up, taking in her look and straightening out anything that’s out of place.

She looks even more beautiful now, disheveled and flustered but so blissful and so, so lovely, and all for me. It makes my hurt swell up almost to the bursting point.

When I feel her hands on me, coyly inching their way to hardness between my legs, I quickly grab a hold of them, stopping her. “No, it’s ok.”

Flinching back, she regards me with betrayal, no doubt thinking back on the time I used to reject her advances. She must be feeling embarrassed and undesirable, which isn’t my intention at all so I try to explain, “It’s not that I don’t want you. I just don’t want you to be late to your date.”

This catches her off-guard; she definitely wasn’t thinking that I would care about her getting to her date on time. If anything, she must think that I want her to cancel it altogether. Which wouldn’t be too far off from the truth... but I know that if I interfere and ruin her date, it would only make her want to distance herself from me even more.

With hardening features, she jeers, “Whatever, you just wasted your last time with me. Only Jaemin will get to fuck me from now on.”

It’s exactly those words, the ones she intended to hurt me with, that prove my suspicions to me; she’s hurt because she wants me, and she’s trying to goad me because she knows I want her too. She just doesn’t want to take any responsibility for it, ever the scared little girl she always was, trying to shift the blame onto someone else so she wouldn’t have to face her own emotions.

That will change though. I will make sure of it, but not right now. Now, I let her go.

For the last time, I let her go.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

I needed a way to force ___ to face her feelings for me. I needed something that would expose her in her own eyes and make sure she can’t go back to living in denial.

I go over our history together, thinking back to when ___ came the closest to revealing her true feelings for me, and that’s when I remember Miyeon. ___ was the most out of control, the most genuine, when I was dating Miyeon because she felt threatened by her.

I’ve always taken care to prevent that from happening again; always steered clear of getting close to another woman because I didn’t want to hurt my angel. I thought that if I just remained patient, she would come to me eventually.

Fucking delusional. The reality is that if ___ never feels like another woman can replace her, she will never make a move. Why would she when I’m always so available for her? Always giving her every bit of love and attention she demands and always putting her first?   

A drastic change was in order, and I believe I knew just the way to bring it about.   

Soojin, that’s her name. She fit the role perfectly. For one, she is ___’s friend, meaning that the news of me asking her out would reach ___ right away. Second, she’s—shall I say—promiscuous which would give ___ the incentive to oppose our relationship.  And finally, she’s extremely forward, always going after what she wants and not quitting until she gets it; it would drive my angel insane and get her thinking that she might lose me if she doesn’t act quick.

Once I let Soojin know I was interested, the whole plan sprinted in motion. She was already interested in me, a fact I knew for some time but ignored because I didn’t want to hurt my angel. How dumb of me.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

Before Soojin and I even had the chance to go on our first date, ___ knew about it.

“Soojin? Really, oppa?” She asks derisively, just as haughty as I remembered her being about Miyeon before.

“What’s wrong with Soojin?” I pretend to be oblivious. She was too ticked off to know better anyway.

“She’s not your type at all!” She stomps childishly. It was funny seeing her like this when she’s been trying so hard lately to act mature and rational—trying to distance herself from who she was and all the negative things she associates with me, and yet, just the simple idea of me dating someone else got her to revert back to the dependent, possessive little girl she’s been trying so hard to forget about.

“What do you know about my type? I have never dated before.” Because of you, is what I leave unsaid.

Getting put on the spot, she turns red and sputters, “I don’t know but it’s not her!”

“Hmm,” I cock my head to the side and stare her down, making her fidget under my piercing gaze. “Why are you so upset by this?”

“I’m not!” She immediately gets defensive, “You know what? Do what you want. I don’t care.”

She spins on her heel and walks away, mumbling to herself angrily, and I smile, knowing that my plan was bound to be a success.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

On the second date, she asks, “Are you doing this to punish me for dating Jaemin?”

“No.” I reply, perhaps a bit too bitterly for she flinches back a little. “Is me dating someone this upsetting for you that you think I’m doing it as revenge?”

“It’s not upsetting! I just--” She struggles with her words then promptly gives up. “Ugh, whatever.”

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

On the third date, she asks, “You know she’s just trying to get in your pants, right?”

I roll my eyes, trying to look like I find her claim ridiculous. “How do you know?”

“Because she tells me everything!”

I already knew that, of course. That’s precisely why I picked her.

“She tells me every disgusting detail that goes through her perverted mind about what she wants to do to you and what she wants you to do to her. It’s sickening.”

“It’s natural. She finds me sexually attractive, that normal thing to feel towards your boyfriend.” She recoils in disgust at the word boyfriend, and I struggle to hold back my chuckle at how obvious she’s being.

“I won’t have sex with her though, not any time soon. That was our agreement, wasn’t it angel? Date someone long-term before having sex with them?” I act patient, just how an oppa explaining the ways of the world to his little angel is supposed to act.

“Bullshit! She probably sucked your dick under the table on the first date already.”

“She didn’t.” I reply curtly. I don’t even need to say much, she was working herself up enough on her own. I just give her a slight push. “Don’t you think you’re getting too upset over nothing?”

“Stop saying that I’m upset. I’m not upset! You just can’t convince me that Soojin is the girl you want to settle down with. It’s unbelievable!”

I shrug, completely disregarding her ongoing breakdown. “It doesn’t matter if you believe it or not, angel.” But I know you do.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

On the fourth date, she declares, “She’s just going to use you and then dump you the minute she gets bored of you. I hope you know that.”

I sigh in exasperation, “I’m not a child, angel. I can handle myself.”

“You clearly can’t if you’re falling for her act!”

“I realize you’re having a hard time getting used to another girl being in my life, and I understand that it can be upsetting but this is no way to deal with it.”

“I’m not upset!” She cries out in frustration. It is cute how heated she was getting over this, and it feels so goddamn nice to finally feel wanted by her.

She looks around helplessly, and I know that whatever she’s about to say isn’t easy for her.

“Just why her?” She asks in a small voice, vulnerable and silently pleading for me not to take advantage of it.

But I must. I must hurt her. She left me no other choice.

“I like her.”

When she doesn’t say anything back, I know I finally broke her. •❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

Before the fifth date, she makes her move.

Foregoing where she was standing—leaning on the door frame and watching me get ready—she saunters over and wraps her arms around my neck, pressing her body to mine and leaning her face just an inch away from mine.

“What are you doing, angel?” I warn as her hands slowly travel down my chest to toy with the waistband of my pants.

“Are you feeling needy? Is that it?” She stares at me demurely, but her hand is anything but. It slips down to palm me through my pants, and I struggle to remain in control. “I can take care of you. Would you like that, oppa?”

It’s what I was expecting—what I was waiting for, really—but it still shocks me just like it did last time. Her offering herself up to me so I wouldn’t go to another woman is still so jarring, if not aggravating. Why does it have to go that far for her to come to me?

“Am I not enough for you?” She snivels, rubbing at her feet angrily, trying to ease the pain her the high heels had caused but only ending up making it hurt more.

I sit down on the chair opposite her bed and pull her legs over my lap, gently massaging the balls of her feet as I try to find the right words to explain myself, ashamed at having let my angel witness me being so subservient to my physical needs, so human. “Of course, you’re enough, angel. It’s just… oppa has needs that you can’t satisfy…”

I don’t think much of it when her feet start moving in my lap, but when I feel one of them press against my crotch, I jump in surprise, unintentionally bucking against it and sending a jolt of pleasure through my body. She sneers as she watches the effect she has on me. “Oh, I know exactly what needs those are.”

Using the heel of her foot, she rubs against my clothed cock. “Who says I can’t satisfy them? Would you like me to do that, oppa?”  

“Yes, please” I breathe out, leaning my head on hers. She slips her hand into my pants and grabs the base of my cock but stops there. “Say it. Say you’re dating her just to get your dick wet.”

“I’m not.” My forehead nuzzles against hers as I shake my head.  

“Don’t lie to me.” She squeezes my dick a little too hard, making me almost double over, and I choke out, “I’m not! I haven’t fucked anyone else since I’ve had you.”

Pleased by my answer, she loosens her grip on my dick and starts stroking me slowly. “But do you want to? Do you want to fuck her?”

I purposefully stay silent, knowing it would rile her up even more. Just like I thought, she scowls and strokes me faster while her other hand goes up to pull on my hair sharply. “Tell me, oppa. Did you want to fuck my friend? You’re lusting after your little angel’s friends? That’s so sleazy. Aren’t I enough for you that you just have to fuck through my friends too?”

“Look at you, rubbing against my foot like that. Pathetic.” She slurs out in disgust.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I shrivel up with guilt. Still, I can’t help the needy moans that escape me, nor can I help the hand that shoots out to wrap around her ankle to steady it so I can grind easier against her foot.

“What am I going to do with you?” She muses.

“Help me.” I plead, leaning into her touch, “I need you.”

She pulls her hand out of my pants and steps away, ordering me to undress. When I’m done, she pushes me onto the couch and forces me to watch as she too strips off. She does it so teasingly, so slowly that it drives me mad with desire, making me salivate over every inch of her skin that gets exposed so that when she was finally fully bare, I was good and worked up.

Straddling me, she hovers just over my aching cock, taunting me further. Her fingers tangle in my hair and tug my head backwards, exposing my neck to her lips that attack it immediately, seeking to mark it all over. I gasp out, bucking up towards her every time she grazes her teeth over the fresh bruises she creates, trying to reach her bare pussy but only managing to brush against it lightly. Every time my dick grazes her pussy, she would pull on my hair harder.

“Baby, baby, please,” I squirm under her, breathy moans and grunts leaving me.

“Pathetic.” She growls in my ear, and drags her nails down my sides, digging stark red trails on my pale skin. The stinging from her nails on my skin and her teeth on my neck just make me all the more needy for her. I arch into her touch, moaning out when my hard nipples brush against her breasts.

Pulling away from my neck, she eyes me intently as she grabs my cock and slowly sinks down on it. Instinctively, my hands shoot out to grab her so I can fuck up into her and finally quench the fire raging through my body, but she takes a hold of them and pins them against the couch, continuing to ride me at her own mercilessly slow pace. Writhing beneath her in both ecstasy and torment, I curse, “Fuck, you’re gonna be the end of me.”

She soaks up my appearance, her eyes memorizing the urgency on my face standing out against the backdrop of cherry red hickies splattered all over my neck. “Look at you, you look so fucked out. I bet Soojin would love to have you like this.”

I try to say something but her pussy clenches around me, making me choke on my words.

“They all want you, know? Not just her, all my girlfriends want you, and they make sure to tell me all about it.” She jeers, riding me faster now. “But you don’t want them, you want me, don’t you oppa?  You love fucking your little angel. You love ruining me. It gets you off.”

She starts bouncing on me wildly, her words coming out in little huffs and gasps along with her breath. “She used to ask me for advice on how to get you in bed, you know? Saying how I must know because I’m so close to you. If only she knew how right she was. If only she could see how good I’m fucking her boyfriend right now.”  

She looks so smug above me like she had any right to be. Wasn’t she the one who said women can be as sexual as they wanted? Didn’t she tell me to back off? What about that cute boy she was so adamant on dating? She’s a fucking hypocrite and it’s time she knows it.

“And what about your boyfriend, huh?” I snap back, “He’d love to know that his little girlfriend is fucking me behind his back, right?”

Her mouth drops open in unwarranted shock, and she stops riding me but I grab a hold of her, taking over and fucking her. “Come on baby, didn’t you say you wanted to help me? Bounce on oppa’s cock like the good little slut you are.”

“Fuck you, Jaehyun.” She struggles to speak as I fuck her fast, torn between the pleasure she’s feeling and maintaining her pride. “Don’t lie, angel. You’re not doing this to help me. You wanted to get fucked.”

She shakes her head and beats her fists against my chest, “No!”

I stop thrusting up and she whines, trying to ride me again but I keep her hips still. She needs o face herself. I won’t back down this time. “Say it. Say you missed oppa’s cock.”

She flushes red and hits me again. As I let go of her hips to grab her hands and stop her, she starts moving on my dick. Getting angry, I lash out and slap her, and she instantly freezes. My gut instinct tells me to apologize at one, confident that I’d screwed up royally this time, but my conscious mind notices a curious little thing that stops me in my tracks; when I slapped her, I felt her pussy clench around me. Can it be?

As my mind goes into overdrive, she starts riding me again, looking at me pointedly. She was goading me and I knew it. Automatically, I slap her again and again she clenches around me and moans. “God, you’re dirty. You’re my dirty little slut, aren’t you baby?”

When she doesn’t say anything, I slap her again. “Aren’t you?”

“Yes, I’m oppa’s little slut.”

For a minute, I can’t help but stop, throwing my head back and squeezing my eyes shut in fear that I’d cum right on the spot just from hearing her say that. But she whimpers and whines, and takes all my self control and throws it in the trash. “Please fuck me oppa. Please, make me cum.”

I choke on my breath, rushing to give her what she wants—or trying to anyway. I only manage to fuck her for a couple of minutes before I was crying out her name and spilling into her.

“Oppa!” She whines. As my hips stutter and slow down, hers pick up the pace. Overwhelming my tender cock, she soothes my pained cries as she reaches her peak too.  “I’m cumming. I’m cumming.”

We were both more than spent. We just sit there for a few minutes catching our breath and calming down. When I feel like I could move my limbs again, I pull her head from my chest and inspect her face, making sure I didn’t hurt her. “Are you ok, angel?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” She mumbles, ducking her head into my chest again and trying to hide her face which was still a little red. Whether from the slaps or the sex or the embarrassment, I didn’t know but it makes me laugh how flustered she looks right now when she was acting so shamelessly just moments ago. When she looks up to see why I’m laughing, I cup her jaw in my hand and tell her what I’ve been dying to say for years now, “I’m never going to let you go again.”

When she reels back in shock, I laugh even more. “Really, ___? You still want to act surprised? Fine, do what suits you, but you’re going to break up with Jaemin. You’re mine and I’m yours. I’ll break up with Soojin too.”

“W-what? Why?”

“Because you want me to stop seeing her. You’re in love with me and you want me all to yourself.”

“I’m— how did you--“

“I’ve known about it for years. Soojin wasn’t the first woman you got in the way of my relationship with. Remember that night Sicheng got you drunk? Remember why?”

She bites her lips and looks down, nodding. I spell it out for her, needing to make sure that she understood, “You caught me hooking up with Miyeon and couldn’t handle it so you nagged Sicheng for the drinks and he gave them to you.”

“I had been dating Miyeon for a while by then and you didn’t like it, but I didn’t realize just how upset it made you until that night. You were livid, inconsolable. You kept yelling at me and tearing me down. You made me feel like shit for daring to be with another girl. I was yours after all, right?”

“You know I want it. You know I want you.” I wrap my hands around her shoulders and try to kiss her but she shakes me off.

“What are you doing?” She asks, that familiar fear in her eyes making me even angrier.

“You know damn well what I’m doing.” I stand so close to her, my body practically flush with hers. She attempts to back away but the bed was right behind her so she falls down on her back on the mattress. Before she can get up, I climb over her body, trapping her. “Until when are you going to run from me? I’m tired of always chasing after you.”

“So like a fool, I thought that confessing my love to you would make you forgive me for my unspeakable crime, but you freaked out. You didn’t want to give yourself to me but you didn’t want another girl to have me either. You wanted me to stay forever by your side, living off the slim hope that you would allow me to have you one day. That was your leverage. That’s the tactic that you used to make sure I never left you. When I confessed to you, I took that power away from you and forced you to make a choice so you threw a tantrum to get me to back down.”

“I-I don’t remember…” She stumbles, weakly trying to fight back against the accusations.

“Because you were fucking drunk.”

Realization falls on her face as she finally connects the dots, remembering everything that happened that night for the first time. Still she tries to hold onto the comfort of denial, her eyes tearing up as she shakes her head, “But that doesn’t make any sense. Why would I do that? I love you. Why would I intentionally push you away?”

“You were scared. You always were. So you pulled back every time I tried to get close to you. Ever since we were little kids, you always pulled away from me.”

“But why?” She sobs, looking desolate.

“It’s your father. He messed you up.”

Her face instantly hardens and she grits out, “Don’t you dare bring him into this. Don’t you dare use him against me!”

“I’m not using shit against you. It’s the truth. You’re so fucking terrified I’d leave you like he left you if you show me that you love me too. You use love as a bargaining chip, always keeping the prospect of a relationship with you just out of my reach to keep me running after it because you’re convinced I’d leave you once I have it.”

“Or maybe you’re lying to trick me into leaving my boyfriend and staying with you because you’re scared shitless of losing the only person who still hasn’t left you. Because If I leave then your father was right about you all along.”

She gasps as soon as she finishes, horrified as if someone else took over her body and spoke the words for her. “Jaehyun, I’m so sorry.”

“Shut the fuck up.” I growl, my own defensiveness and hurt getting triggered. “You’re not sorry. You always lash out like this when you’re cornered to try and bring me down so you could control me. You’re so fucking manipulative and you don’t even know it.”

“Oppa, stop it…”

“No! I’m tired of you always playing the victim. Little sad ___ always oppressed by her mean oppa. Wake the fuck up, ___. You hurt me too. You’re always punishing me for what your father did. You can’t get back at him so you punish me instead. You know I love you and you use it against me because you think loving is weakness and you can’t allow yourself to be weak with anyone, even me.”

“What about you, huh?” She retaliates, voice getting hoarse as she shouts. “You’re supposed to be protecting me, yet you’ve always put your life in my hands. You always told me that I’m the reason you exist as if that’s not a fucked up thing to put on someone else’s conscience. You never said it outright but you put the responsibility on me to keep you alive. Do you know how fucking terrifying that is? To realize from a young age that someone’s life is in your hands?”

“It couldn’t have been that terrifying if you chased away every woman that tried to get close to me so I wouldn’t have anyone but you. Moving on from you was never an option when you’d manipulate and guilt me into being blindly loyal to you.”

“Because you raised me to need you!” She shrills, her wild hair and frustrated tears making her look unhinged.  

I take deep breaths to calm myself down. “We can argue the details all night long but the fact remains the same; you’re mine and I’m yours. That’s how it has always been. We have all the time in the world to sort out our issues, but first we need to stop these games. I’ll break up with Soojin, not that we were ever really together to start with. You need to break up with Jaemin too. He can go find another girl.”

“I’m not dating Jaemin.” She says quietly. Seeing my stunned disbelief, she explains dumbly, “I cancelled the date after… after what happened that day. It wouldn’t have been fair to him for to go on a date with a girl who just got head from her oppa. I can’t hurt him like that.”

“But you can hurt me?” I ask bitterly. It was a question that needed no reply, and she didn’t give one anyway. •❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅• A/N: The next chapter is the end of this story and it’s up to you guys to decide who you want the OC to end up with: 1) Jaehyun, 2) Jaemin, 3) No one / neither.  Your votes will decide so choose the ending you want. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated, and if you do vote I’d love to hear your reasoning :)

[shametheshadow]

It's been a while. A lot of shit's been going on since I was last kinda active. Sorry, I dont remember how to hide this under a read more line... feel free to scroll past if you arent in the mood for existential whinging. I got a new job and it's pleasant. The people are nice. It's still food, but it's at a fancy restaurant where the management actually cares and tries to keep their crew happy. The hours could be better and I'm currently sick of salads with how many I've made. They give hours based on reliability and if you're a hard worker who is nice to work with. But like... everybody is nice and hard working so it's hard to just muscle in sometimes. But on the positive side I've dropped ten pounds, probably thanks to how light my wallet is. Had an issue with my little brother. Well, there's been an unspoken issue for years that I've been trying to just give him space on, but it finally came to a head. I called him out and he said some pretty hurtful things. I saw him on Christmas, but it wasnt the same. I think it kind of damaged something between us, or at the very least it certainly has me. I think, as people, we build these pillars of absolute truths into our identities. The things we know without a doubt, that we can rely on to stay true even when things are bad. Like, that the sky is blue or that a parent we have will always love us. When those truths are shaken they really make you wonder what else could be wrong or if there was ever any truth in it to begin with. For me, no matter how bad I felt or hated myself, I knew I could be a good sister. I'd throw myself down for it. I have done so, unfortunately, many times before. We all see the world a little differently, so my truth may not be the truth someone else sees. I dont know whether that makes it any better, but I certainly feel unsure about more things now than I used to. Some days I even feel like giving up on our relationship. I'm just too tired, too worn down, and I don't think I can handle being called a failure again. Which sucks, because I dont really want to. I just want to know how to fix it, even though I'm not sure I have any more energy to try again if it's just going to lead to another failure. And on top of all of that my bio dad and all those siblings are tasting the bitter consequences of their actions. My youngest sister got taken away from her parents because instead of breaking up and being adults about it they have to be petty and cowardly. One has unchecked anger issues mixed with plenty of excuses and the other thinks she's owed some sort of respect despite her immature actions. Thing is, I've had plenty of talks with my bio dad about the effects their toxic relationship have on his 6 year old daughter. He knows. He isnt stupid or blind. He'd just rather keep it going despite everyone's unhappiness and dig a deeper hole so he doesn't have to risk losing custody of his daughter if they break up. And here we are now. With his daughter taken away and given to our 21 year old sister who doesn't have a clue. And they've failed to regain custody once already. And you know the fucking hilariously tragic part of it? Me and my sister Des are the only two without some sort of record so nobody else in the family can help. Just a fucking warning for any teens out there who think being a gangster is cool, life always has consequence. Doing drugs, selling pills, pimping, stealing cars, assault, having unregistered weapons... my family has probably done just about anything. Apparently my bio dad's stepfather even threatened to shoot my grandma once. There's an argument to made about the environment they all grew up in, but I really wish people would just have the self awareness to realize that things will always find a way to bite you in the ass and it's it big enough then it'll get the people around you too. I normally get my sister on weekends, but I need to work Saturdays as a requirement for my employment. I try to cut it short so I can be there when they drop her off, but half the time they dont and send her somewhere she isnt supposed to go. I'm risking my job trying to be there when I'm needed, just for them to change their mind at the last second because I wasnt home soon enough. They'd rather risk losing our sister to the system by breaking the rules. CPS doesn't play around. I've had to tell them two or three times that I couldn't take our sister because I was sick or dealing with some really stressful family stuff that Koral didnt need to be there to see. Every time I feel like the punishment is that they stop letting me see her by not bringing her over anymore. Then out of the blue they call on a weekday and ask if I can take her because she has a day off or something. I have never once said no but every time it sends me into an anxiety attack because I can't handle being kept in the dark until they need me. It's got me so worked up that sometimes I genuinely wish I had never been told my dad wasnt my real dad. Of course, I know that by knowing I can help a little girl who needs help, but I wont lie and say that I never wished I didn't have time deal with any of it. I got the news today that my bio dad is in trouble for something else, though they wouldn't say what. So they arent going to give him custody until that's settled at the very least. Shortly into it my sister had asked me to take over the guardianship. I was so out of the loop that I thought the question was absurd. I thought they'd pull it together and get her back in a short time, so what would the point of moving her to another town and school be? How would I go about that? What would the home requirements be? Would I be able to provide for the both of us? I wouldn't be able to leave work until 4 at the earliest shift, so would after school stuff be best or daycare? There's so much that goes into taking care of a kid to just spring that question onto someone. Now it's been four or five months and I'm hating the idea that she's stuck there in the middle of it all more and more. People keep telling me I should take her. Even my manager after I broke down and told him everything after my sister's call left me a mess at work, said that I would be the better option. I know what it's like to be fought over in custody battles and I understand way too well the fear of being taken away from your home as well as what it's like to change schools. I dont want that for Koral. I dont even know if I would be the better option. I talked to my cousin, whom I live with, about it for a while last night and she said she wouldn't be opposed to having Koral with us... but I feel bad making this her issue too. I want what is best for my sister. She's way too smart. You know when unqualified pet owners get a dog breed that is really smart and they struggle to meet the needs to keep it entertained so it just makes trouble? That is what my sister is like. My family has their strengths, but Koral is 6 and could run circles both physically and mentally around them. It might be "funny" now, but Lansing itself is a shitty influence on people and by the time she's a teenager and wants to go to a party, nothing is going to keep her from getting out short of bars on the windows and doors. The only thing stopping her from doing it now is motive. But would I do any better? I genuinely dont know. I wish I could talk to my brother about it. He knows where I come from and, even if he thinks I failed, he could at least tell me how to be better so I dont fuck up again for a little girl who is in a situation similar to one we were in. I asked Des today if she wanted to talk to their case worker about transfering guardianship. She said she's have to talk to her dad... which is bullshit. He lost the right to dictate where Koral goes when he fucked up. How is he supposed to be motivated to fix this if the only thing that has changed is that she doesn't sleep in her bedroom anymore? He shouldn't see her when he wants to or be able to say what happens to her. And I dont say that because I think he shouldn't ever be able to, because I want him to step it up, I just feel like he wont if things keep going as they are. I dont want to lose my sister to the system. Supposedly the social worker said that Koral also has to stay in the same school and can't see anyone not on the already approved list of people for the sake of consistency... but that's stupid. I know that changing schools can be traumatizing, and if Lansing was a good place to live and raise a kid, then maybe I'd try to make that work, but it isnt. So it makes me wonder that if I came to the table with a clearly stable, appealing plan would they change their minds? If it were my choice, I'd have her in therapy to help deal with everything, maybe a sport like gymnastics or whatever else she might be interested in to keep her engaged. I'm planning a kids d&d session for her and another kiddo that she plays with when she's here because last time she found my monster manual and got obsessed. And I know it wont be all good. She's a handful and a brat, and she can be a force of nature when she doesn't get her way, but I've been an older sister since I was five and my family didnt out up with bratty behavior. I know how to deal with it, and I also know how to use the internet and other resources to learn. Hell, I live with a child therapist/youth minister. I know I could do it. Even if it ended up being a permanent thing. I'm torn between the fear of not being enough at the expense of my sister's wellbeing and knowing that I'd gladly twist myself into a pretzel to try and do right. But when it comes to other people, especially a kid, is trying enough? Good intentions don't equal a quality of living. So yeah, that's where I am right now. Trying to be better and figure out who I am while also being incredibly stressed out and lost. If you read through this, thank you for listening to this TED talk. I'm open to advice.

[robot-unicorn-attack]

alicia’s plotting ideas/notes??

SNOW (MARIVANA)

ideas & stuff!! feel free to message me either here or on urstyle or wherever else u have me, or comment directly on this post, to plot! ill put finalized notes w/ rest of snow’s info once we have it down :)

Sky - so since seraphina’s a newer racer, she and marivana don’t know each other super well? but they’re almost complete opposites, in terms of like racing specialties, and marivana doesn’t feel threatened by seraphina in any way. she probably keeps her distance whenever they aren’t doing things their agency has sent them on? 

It would be kind of fun to say that maybe, as a publicity stunt, twilight’s official statement is that snow has been mentoring sky behind the scenes? 

and they have to pretend that’s true, even though it’s not lol

LOL but it would be funny if one day marivana showed up at the track while seraphina was doing stuff and was just like, “so twilight wants me to teach you something that makes it look like i’ve actually been helping u. u free atm?”

but overall I don’t think marivana has too many strong opinions about seraphina, unless we want to create some kind of drama?

Ice - premade; tbd

Supernova - Marivana is…pretty indifferent? when it comes to Supernova. She knows who she is and what she’s done, of course-who doesn’t?-but if you think that she’d be starstruck and/or falling over herself when Supernova’s around her…well, you’d be wrong. Marivana’s had multiple trusted parties tell her that she’s just as good as Supernova was, at her peak, so she knows that she’s not a threat-for now, at least. Marivana’s a bit wary of the other racer, but also a bit curious to see as to where this comeback will lead.

So, depending on how much of the wedding and divorce was public....Marivana def would remember 1) the wedding, and 2) not giving a shit about it

The 2 of them have raced together, right at the very beginning of Marivana’s career? like 10+ years ago? and if As even remembers all that girly snow princess stuff, she could be like “lmao so twilight really pulled a 180 on her”

AHHHH so I know I never made this explicitly clear because I suck as a human being but - the deal with unicorns is that agencies/manufacturers/etc say that they’re just robots? agencies probably actually believe it, but in terms of the manufacturers they might be vaguely aware of otherwise but also don’t want to jeopardize any profits so they keep that shit on the DL

but obviously for ppl like Mari/As who have been riding for p much their entire life, they can tell when horses are distressed, happy/content, etc?

and robot unicorns are basically horses in terms of how sentient they are? 

so i have no fucking idea when this would happen, but the 2 of them mutually acknowledging that RUR is pretty fucked up for the unicorns?

also like....IT WOULD BE SO CUTE if the two of them sort of rolled their eyes at the same time about some kind of story regarding another rando racer who quit maybe a lil after As did (so the newer racers aren’t familiar with her)? and then they realize that they both rolled their eyes at the same time LOL

honestly just being Tired Grandmas together

anyway. @interluxetumbra LMK what u think!!!

Sunbeam -  tbd

Flower - Marivana knows exactly what 𝑅 𝐼 𝒮 𝐸 is pulling with Flower (her own agency did the same thing to her, after all), and she is not fooled at all. She’s not stupid; in the robot unicorn racing industry, nobody is completely, utterly unknown when they debut unless they had no prior experience with robot horses/unicorns in the past. Marivana knows that Flower probably had to work her butt off to stay with 𝑅 𝐼 𝒮 𝐸, and she would bet her right hand that the image that Flower puts out to the public is just that - an image.

*chanting* AURIVANA AURIVANA AURIVANA

is the lil club plot we have how they meet/1st time they actually talk 2 ea other????

speaking of which - how do we want to write that? collab in a gdoc???

& then they just keep coincidentally running into ea other randomly????

aura saying something super Flower-esque and marivana just rolling her eyes and being like, “ok great now tell me what you really think about __” ??? lol

aura somehow discovering that marivana is into BOTANY, of all things????

maybe this is when she makes some sort of dry remark about the bio for Flower on the RISE website? “[Flower] grew up in a lush green meadow, hidden away from prying eyes by miles and miles of ice. How Flower managed to get the ice to melt for long enough to plant flowers and trees will always be a mystery.” and marivana’s like “lol magic my ass there’s literally no fucking way”

she explains it with a good amount of scientific jargon thrown in and aura’s just like watttttttttttttt :0000

literally hit me up ANYTIME i already adore them

also - their aesthetics as racers? put together? a+++++++++

OMG THIS IS LIKE WAY IN THE FUTURE BUT LIKE, we should say that their secret relationship somehow ends up going public for the ~drama~??? and instead of being super freaking pissed off, both of their agencies are just like “lmao okay ice queen x fairy princess? best ship” and use it for publicity?????

Flame - Marivana knows about 1) the image that she projects, and 2) that this image is pretty true to who Flame really is, for the most part. Her verdict? Flame could prove to be annoying, if she gets relevant while Marivana is still in the industry as a racer. Marivana doesn’t know what life not racing would be like, but she’s well-aware that she’s the oldest racer out there (well, besides Supernova, who doesn’t count. She’s making a comeback, after all), and that retirement is probably not too far out in her future. So, if Flame is still around within the next 5-10 years, then Marivana might start worrying about her. For now, she’s just the irritating racer with ʟᴀᴢᴇʀ who won’t ever stop causing a scene.

So they haven’t really interacted much yet, do we wanna say? 

they’re wary of each other because both their unicorns specialize in high power/strength so they’re like, more directly in competition?

are they going to engage in the RUA equivalent of a twitter fight??? in a publicity stunt that both of their agencies are putting on?

maybe snow has once insulted kehlani in an interview??? though it was fake/staged/scripted by her agency so she doesn’t actaully feel that way but ya know. doin it for the vine

and kehlani responds in kind, maybe at the behest of lazer, maybe not?. and it just keeps going???

but ya, marivana prob finds her personality kinda annoying so would generally avoid her unless kehlani approached first

Nyx - so like, snow probably thinks sol is way too flashy and all over the place, & does not engage her ever? she knows of the rumors of foul play, ofc, b/c who doesn’t, but she assumes that the rumors are super blown out of proportion (as rumors tend to be)?? and snow knows that if sol ever tries to target her/other ice world racers specifically, twilight will literally strong-arm lazer into dropping her. so she’s not that worried about that stuff????

definitely thinks her razor-sharp precision with U-800 is something to be admired, though, even if it’s not the flashiest skill like dressage or speed

OMG LOL spoiler alert but the 2nd event is a race on lava world, so they’re all on the main LW training/practice facilities in the days leading up to the race???? and we TOTALLY need to have them do that weirdly super aggressive staredown/pre-game smack talk sesh that they do in super extra sports anime LOL

Widowmaker - snow’s heard of her, knows of her, has competed against her, but since they both tend to keep to themselves they haven’t really talked? it could be potentially cool if eleni guessed about/found out about what actually happened with marivana’s 1st unicorn?? OMG DRAMA but what if she actually knew of the armed thief? who was on ice world for whatever reason lmfao we can hand-wave it. bonus points if she’s pissed that 1st unicorn killed the person?????????? lol

and it could be POTENTIALLY FUN to write a scene with them where eleni basically calls her out on the fact that, yeah marivana fucking hates twilight for deactivating the first unicorn so why tf does she still race for them/earn them so much money???

also marivana has literally no retirement plans atm so.....i have NO FREAKING IDEA if this would ever be possible or not, but if she somehow?? gets involved? with the people who wanna fuck up TEF govt for not giving a single shit about black hole ??? ? ??? ?? thru eleni????????//

idk dude feel free to just be like “lmao alicia that would never happen” if it feels too OOC!!! it’s also like 4 am & i’m only half coherent so ;D

but i literally have no idea in what context the calling out would be in!!! maybe if marivana saw some top sekrit info that eleni might have access to and was like “i won’t tell anyone at TWILIGHT if you tell me why you have this”? and eleni is like *eyeroll* “not like u have any reason to like ur agency”

Taglist: @ayzrules @bebemoon @jay-swagsby @filthysoulls @shiftyprincess @kzombi3 @now-on-elissastillstands

[electoons]

Cici!!!!

aquacura said:10 facts abt cici? :00

aw HELL yeah im gonna use this as an excuse to do 20 facts abt her!! because i love her (i’m mostly gonna do stupid irrelevant facts that wouldn’t otherwise be in her bio lol) 

im putting it under a readmore so you dont have to deal with it

1. she has awful eyesight, not bad enough to be considered legally blind but enough that she has to squint most of the time. she should be wearing glasses actually and arcade begs her to so she’ll stop complaining about headaches and shitty aim, but they clash with her aesthetic and shes stubborn so she doesnt lmao (this is why she uses melee/unarmed weapons generally)

2. she loooves kids so much and she plays with all the boomer kids and those freeside urchins a lot; she would in theory like to have a kid but, for once, she has the sense to know thats not such a great idea (even if she could, which she can’t anyway)

3. her full name is Lucia June Ventura and she has a younger sister named Olivia May. these are not the months they were born in, curiously (Cici is a Leo. and how)

4. her mother is an ncr medic and her dad owns a used goods shop in Junktown

5. she has an overbite and a gap in between her front teeth

6. she thinks explosives are cool as fuck and has an interest in the chemistry involved, and one would expect her to exclusively use them in combat considering her personality, but actually seeing them in use freaks her out a bit. she’s p gross but she has a limit

7. she’s right-handed 

8. she sucks at drawing but still makes shitty stick figure doodles of her friends and pretends she put genuine effort into them to see how awkward and uncomfy they get when she gives them drawings

9. instead of Resting Bitch Face she has Resting Sad Face, where she always looks concerned and tired (she’s actually very cheerful and excitable tho)

10. she’s very charismatic and knows how to schmooze her way through a conversation but she’s not shrewd enough to be a (good) leader and she makes a lot of shitty choices and doesn’t think things through generally, she’s motivated by emotions almost all the time and is also a pretty bad liar

11. she’s v fast! since she prefers melee she trained herself to be agile and dodge enemies pretty well. but thats as far as her agility goes basically bc she cannot sneak whatsoever and, basically, if she’s moving any slower than a jog its like gravity suddenly increases on her and she cant execute basic functions like…. walking,

12. she has stupid tan lines. like she's naturally sort of tan but has atrocious tan lines

13. she has more than one sugar daddy

14. if she had a fursona it would be a raccoon. she loves digging around in garbage and will eat whatever

15. Boone is her BFF and they’re platonic soulmates. Arcade is her big bro and Cass is her big sis and Veronica is her other big sis and Lily is her grandma and Raul is her uncle and ED-E and Rex are her sons

16. Yes Man is her literal husband they were married by the King one night when she was feeling particularly manic. sh eloves him a lot

17. i’ve said this before but SHE LOVES SHITTY JOKES!! they’re her favorite!!! they make other people mad which makes her love them even more!!

18. she doesn't really smoke but sometimes holds an unlit cigarette for the Aesthetic™

19. she's very into biting

20. she has adhd

THANK YOU SO MUCH ahh this is so fun holy shit i almost cry every time someone shows interest in my girl

[ledlightsandpancakes]

Also, while I’m in a writing mood, I’m going to talk about my baby. He’s three and a half months old now. He’s absurdly, wildly, ridiculously, over-the-top cute. He is so soft and cuddly, and his skin is the best thing I have ever felt. I recognize that he is literally bio-engineered to be the cutest thing I, personally, could possibly see, but it is still so overwhelming sometimes.

There are so many years to go before we will really know him. There is not a ton to go on now, but this is what we do know:

-His eyes are blue

-He prefers to stay in motion

-He really, really, really likes watching cars

-He really, really really hates riding in cars (or anything else that prevents him from moving around).

-He is interested in words and is picking up on conversational rhythms. We work on it during the day. I narrate what I’m doing and ask him questions. He realizes it’s his turn and babbles and laughs in delight when he gets the timing right. I love thinking about how he thinks I’m just babbling at him, and that all the world is full of people just taking turns making fun sounds at one another for the hell of it, but always sticking to the back and forth rhythm.

-He cannot stand pee in his diaper. Right on, buddy.

-He’s a good eater, and while his only food is boob milk, he observes people eating with great intensity. I sometimes see him practicing chewing.

-He loves big kids, and the little girl I nanny for has his endless attention.

-He wants to look at the TV. Two more years, mon petit boo!

-He likes his one furry blanket that’s not even the nicest furry blanket and sheds everywhere but god damn it it’s his favorite

-He has a freakishly strong neck

-He would prefer to be on an endless walk

-He has a surprisingly long attention span for books

-He’s very against his parents getting any sleep. Sometimes he slips up and gives us a 6-7 hours (maybe 5 times since being born), but mostly he likes to get in as much “snuggling with mom and gently sucking away her sanity bc she never ever gets to sleep” time as possible

Heh I’m kidding on that last one. It’s nowhere near as bad as I thought it’d be. I mean, he wakes up that much, but it doesn’t bother me quite like I thought it would. Sleeping had become so hard for me anyway. It’s nice to get baby snuggles in the night, as long as he goes back down easily. 

That’s another thing: breastfeeding. Who knew it’s awesome?? I had read so much about how it goes so wrong for everyone all the time. My Mom couldn’t do it, etc. etc. Yeah, it just worked perfectly for me, and it’s awesome. Don’t get me wrong, I read EVERYTHING and even went did an extra lactation consultant visit after he was born, just to be super sure. But yeah, it’s the best and I hope everyone who has a baby gets to do it. The bonding is amazing, and then you always have an excuse to take your baby back, especially in those first few weeks when you kind of feel like everyone is just there to steal all your happy baby time. 

We are going back to our home town soon for the first time as a family, and I am dreading it. The plane ride is going to be miserable (see: Everett hates confined spaces), and I know I’m a spoiled brat for saying this, but just once I’d like to go home and not have it be a whole...production. Then again, I’m incredibly grateful the grandmas are making it possible for us to see everyone without us having to go all over the place (see: Everett hates cars). I am not a party-thrower and they are going way above and beyond. It’s just that every time we’ve gone home since we moved, our home visits are these crazy whirlwinds surrounding huge events centered around our presence. I just want to chill at our old brewery, maybe sit around the fire in Andy’s backyard, have my mom make me a sandwich...you know, normal stuff. And if I did see people, it’d be nice if it could be intimate instead of one quick interaction after another, always with the nagging sense of guilt that I’m not being/giving enough to this person who may have driven hours just to be in a room of 60 people that happens to have me in it. It’s a lot of pressure and frankly I’m paranoid people will start to think I'm the one who thinks we are worth the fuss (see: we aren’t).

I guess my point is I wish I could have the time to go back and see everyone I want to see, take our time, have some real conversations, let people get to really meet Everett. But it’s absolutely my fault that our moms have to go through all this to make sure people get to see us: I can’t stand leaving Portland for more than a few days when the tradeoff is Chicago. It just feels like the opposite of a vacation, but we have to use vacation days and spend a ton of money to get there. So on the one hand, I need to go more regularly/for longer periods of time to make each time suck less. On the other hand, that’s expensive and who has that kind of vacation time and also FUCK THAT why would I want to deal with all that when I live in the best place on Earth? 

Anyway. I’ve been rambling long enough. Everett is awesome. Parenting is great. And I don’t say that to be braggy or something, that’s literally me just trying to share my truth and make sure that once in a while, people get to hear a positive narrative. We are out here, I swear. 

I’ll try to update more often...